Awareness, Balance and Connectedness™

By  Renee Siegel, M.A.

Everyone in the recovery community is truly a blessed being. The recovery community is a fellowship filled with the acceptance of the shortcomings of self and others. Where else can you find a group of people who make a commitment like that?

In many ways, getting started in recovery by initially abstaining from an addictive behavior is the easy part. At least it is a beginning. Remaining in recovery is not quite so easy. Remaining abstinent from addictive behaviors means one has to continue to stay abstinent on an ongoing basis, each and every day. Most people have great difficulty remaining abstinent, and they need anchors to support that abstinence and to maneuver through life without resorting back to the old behaviors associated with their addiction(s). The fellowship of AA offers a wondrous concept that has become universal in its application for good health. Literature that is progressive or New Age expounds on it. This is the belief that to make recovery manageable and doable, one can stay abstinent or focus on recovery only by doing it for short periods or “one day at a time.” What I am about to contribute is a blueprint that assists one in making it through life one day at a time while staying in recovery from addictions. The concept is easy to remember because it is described in an ABC formula:

AWARENESS, BALANCE AND CONNECTEDNESS

The easier or simpler something is to remember, the more likely one can remember it and utilize it. This blueprint is effective to maintain good mental health for everyone, addicts or not.

Awareness is the first concept. To remain aware is quite contrary to participating in addictive behavior because it requires that one stays out of denial and has a willingness to see reality. Denial is a prerequisite for addictive behavior to continue without it being recognized. Remaining aware is a great tool in recovery, but awareness takes practice. It is best accomplished by first learning to separate from the situation or feelings and to become the observer of them. This is so valuable in recovery. As an observer, one detaches and looks from the outside in. As an observer, one gets out of one’s own way. Looking in, an observer can see negative feelings associated with the addiction or compulsive behaviors and can see high-risk situations that could lead back to the addiction. Negative emotions that have been associated with the addictions can include guilt and shame, anger, resentment, sadness, hurt and loss, or grief. Looking at these feelings from the outside in helps keep one from being attached to these negative emotions. A practicing addict tends to play and replay the past over and over again. This is a trigger to use again as it is the one sure way the addict knows to alleviate the discomfort. It may occur to the observer that there are healthier alternatives to coping with negative emotions other than using. Seeing that one has alternatives or choices helps one to feel empowered and take greater responsibility for making the changes necessary to make it in recovery. Awareness helps one to stay in the present and not dwell on the past or speculate about the future. The only change that can be made is in the present. Awareness lays the groundwork for the other two principals as without awareness both the need for balance and connecting to self and others would be difficult, if not impossible.

Creating Balance in life does not come easily for most people, but it is especially difficult with addicts. Some of the basic components of living a balanced life include getting just the right amount of food, sleep and exercise. Most addicts do very little, if anything, in moderation, and moderation is the key to balance. In recovery, there are behaviors that cannot be practiced in moderation, and the addict must learn to remove them entirely. Usually the addict has spent lots of time attempting to practice their addiction in moderation without success. If one is truly an alcoholic or dependent drug abuser, removing those substances entirely from their lives is most beneficial for prospering recovery. So balance is best achieved by first remaining abstinent from the addiction. The next step for an addict to achieve balance for long periods of time is a willingness to see the relationship of the addictive behavior to other addictions and other obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. So many times this step is overlooked, and an alcoholic develops a compulsive gambling problem or has a compulsive eating issue that needs to be addressed. After acknowledging other potential problems, the addict can begin to incorporate balance in life. Learning to balance work with play and learning to enjoy a variety of activities and avoid getting hooked on one pleasurable experience to the exclusion of others can be a lifelong task. But that assignment can be fun.

The last concept is Connectedness. This is the most important of all the principals because it is the prerequisite for developing a spiritual program. Connecting to self is the foundation for relating to one’s “higher power,” God or spirit. This is also the shift an addict makes from simply remaining abstinent and then moving into recovery. Recovery is about creating quality experiences in one’s life; abstinence is about not practicing the addictive behavior. The first step in becoming connected is to look at the self and be honest about what is important to the self. This means living with integrity. While participating in an addictive behavior, most addicts lie and cover up what is really going on by minimizing, rationalizing, blaming or justifying why they use or participate in the addictive or self-destructive compulsive behavior. Connecting to self is a process. Most addicts don’t have a good sense of what is important to them or what they stand for. Prayer is a wonderful tool for working this concept. In the process of prayer, one is taught to connect to a source that we are, in fact, a part of. The more one learns to connect to self, the more one learns to connect to family, community, the world and God. This is quite a fulfilling experience because it usually occurs to the self that they are, in fact, not alone and are part of something much bigger than themselves and an intricate part of that whole.

Renee Siegel is the clinical director of ABC Wellness Centre LLC, an outpatient mental health treatment center specializing in the treatment of addictive and compulsive disorders. The center is located in Scottsdale at Shea Boulevard and Scottsdale Road.